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InterviewsBackNME Feb 2001 - On The CouchHere's the NME interview for those of you who haven't seen it. The accompanying photo appeared in Select in July 1997.Apologies for any typos. I hope no one in the mean time has already posted this... Alexander What song describes you best?"'Capricorn" by Motorhead." What is heaven? "The sunniest, warmest, late-spring afternoon in a blooming cherry orchard with a million cats." What is hell? "You tell me; I don't write for NME." What is your earliest memory? "Noh Theatre in Singapore." What is your greatest fear? "Can't think of one right now. I do get vertigo, but it honestly doesn't make me fall apart." Who is your all-time hero? "I don't really have an all-time hero. I'm very fond of Vera Duckworth, as I was very fond of Hilda and Stan Ogden. Homer Simpson is in the pantheon. My admiration for the leader of the Burmese Opposition (Aung San Suu Kyi) is somewhat tainted by a perverse yet nagging desire to see us fuck each other's brains' out." What's the worst trouble you've ever been in? "Not so long ago the German cops threatened me with Interpol and a spell in remand (at least) for premeditated GBH, which was very tedious of them." What was the first love of your life? "Lynn W____." What's your greatest talent? "Indifference to my faults." Upon whom would you most like to exact revenge? "Margaret Thatcher." What is your most treasured possession? "Whichever computer I'm currently in front of." What have you most regretted doing while drunk? "I have regretted sleeping with some very ugly women." What can you cook? "If I have to: anything except bread, cake and pastry." What's the best piece of advice you've ever received? "You're doing that all wrong." Can you read music? "No." If you were invisible for a day, what would you do? "Once I'd satisfied the carnal desires of several well-known French actresses who, for some reason, prefer at the moment to ignore my existence, I'd take to the grassy knoll and make sure that the following bastards got their comeuppance: Margaret Thatcher, Rush Limbaugh (right-wing US radio shock jock), Strom Thurmond (US senator), Antonin Scalia (American judge), anybody with the surname Bush, the Taliban, the entire Burmese Government, anybody's ever worked for a British tabloid newspaper, the so-called Royal Family, Ronald McDonald and Jack Straw. Not a bad day's work. Give me two days and I'll sort out everyone who's ever looked at me funny. Please form an orderly queue." What are your three final wishes? "Firstly, give me about a hundred years to think about it. Secondly, while I'm thinking about it, give me a never-ending supply of wishlets. Thirdly, while I'm thinking about it shut the fuck up." |
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